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My summer vacation hasn’t started but I was able to go to the beach already. Yes, I had the guts to go to an out of town trip in the middle of hell month. Last March 23-25, I went to Zambales with my teammates to celebrate the victory of the DLSU Lawn Tennis Men’s Team. We left around 5 o’ clock in Manila and arrived at Zambales around 10, but we were stuck in the sand for almost two hours so we got into the beach at midnight. 

When we got into the shore, there was a bonfire already. I was overwhelmed with the feeling. I can hear the waves, feel the heat of the bonfire, and see the stars; it was the perfect beach getaway vibe. We started to celebrate by taking a shot, and for every shot we would give a reason why we need to celebrate. After a few rounds, Martina and I went to the shore. We star gazed while exchanging our never-ending repeating stories. But, we’re fine with it, we still enjoyed each other’s stories even it’s like a replay. That first night was, well, perfect. And I cannot find the words to explain how happy I was that night.

My second day in the beach was supposed to be a day for my school works. I actually brought my laptop and books so I can work there. I mentioned supposed to be so you know what happened.

We went to the beach around lunchtime, the perfect time to feel the heat of the sun. I was in a hurry to get into the water because I can feel the sand. As I took my step into the water, I felt the comfort. The waves were so big compared to other beaches I’ve been. So as I stayed there for two hours, I’ve been contemplating. Yes, I was pondering about life in the midst of the ocean.

My friends always tell me to just go with the flow. But even I try to, I can’t stop myself from expecting too much or overanalyzing things. I know I’m wrong but I can’t do anything about it. But maybe, the waves did something to me because I’ve been trying to go with the flow lately.

While hanging out, the waves were approaching us continuously. I tried to resist or sometimes I anticipate so I know when to move towards it. Every time I do it, I ended up drowning and feeling the salt water in my eyes. It took me a lot of waves to realize how afraid I was. I was afraid of going down and feeling the pain. And I admit, it goes the same way in my life. I’m afraid of failing and being hurt so I always guard myself. I don’t loosen up.

The Zambales getaway made me realize how wrong it was to think like that. Now, I haven’t completely changed the way I see things but at least I am ready for the change and trying to not overanalyze.

One of the things I usually take for granted is time and it can be seen in how I do things. Most of the time, I procrastinate; sometimes, I am late. And as I turned 21, I realized how important every second is. I started to become very sentimental of every second that I share with the people important to me. 

My birthday week was awesome. I thought it was not going to be but things went well. I was sad during the first few days of the week because I found out that my best friend could not celebrate with me because she has a flight. It was the first time I cannot celebrate with her since I was sixteen. So, I decided to have a simple birthday salubong at Lipa but then our UAAP match was moved to my birthday so the celebrations was moved to the night of my birthday. I invited friends but no one was sure. I was sad. I could not celebrate my birthday with the people I love. I wanted to move my celebration from Lipa to Manila but I was not able to.

On the 14th, yes, during the Valentine’s Day; my mom visited and gave me presents. My parents love watches unlike me. I mean, I do not hate them but I can live without them. When I had my debut, my parents gave me a watch, and for my 21st birthday, they gave me another one. I asked myself, “Why do they keep on giving me watches when they know I’m not a fan of wearing one?” Maybe because they’ve always seen me as a laid - back person and they want me to develop the sense of urgency. Or maybe they are tired of seeing me cramming and being late so they want me to manage my time skillfully. I don’t know which one is their reason but what I know is, I have to improve on how I use time because it is a gift. It is a resource and I have to efficiently use it. 

To make the most out of my Valentine’s Day, I decided to do school works and go out with my friends for dinner. I also lit one of my sky lanterns. As I released the lantern, I realized how lucky I am with the life I have. VDay is not only for lovers since love is not only felt from and given to a significant other. Love can be found anywhere (yes, even in a hopeless place as Rihanna said). In my case, I feel loved by my family and friends. 

I spent my Wednesday and Thursday doing school works. I was also trying to figure out if I will still celebrate my birthday. Friday came and I still have no plans for my birthday. It was University Week so I went to school and spent the day with my friend, Marga. She knew I was not that happy and she surprised me with my favorite White Chocolate Raspberry Cheesecake from CBTL. I have great friends, I know! I stayed in school for a while since I have no plans for my salubong. Marga and I watched the concert, ate, and laughed all the time. By 7 pm, I went home with Martina. She told me that we should have a birthday salubong in my unit and I agreed. We bought a bottle of Jager and Jack just to say we would celebrate but we didn’t plan to finish those. On the other hand, two of my high school friends, Diana and Julie, were texting me about my plans. I told them I was just going to stay at home and they visited me. At 12:00, there were a lot of messages, phone calls, and social media notifications. I was overwhelmed. Then, my blockmates surprised me because they went there with their presents. I was so happy. It was really my day. 

Our team also had our last game for the second round of UAAP. I played doubles with Enah. We didn’t win the match but I was happy because my game wasn’t that bad. I celebrated my day with my teammates at Rizal Memorial Tennis Court. It rained for a while and I ordered Yellow Cab for the team. It was fun because Ana and Bambi were also there so I got to celebrate with them, too. 

After the game, I went home with my cousins. My mom cooked dinner for our family because I wasn’t expecting any visitors. But, Jopet called and told me that he would come over to celebrate with me. When his car arrived, all of our friends was with him. I was really touched because they told me before that they couldn’t come. Celebrating with these guys made my day more awesome. They even bought cake for me. Who would have thought my guy friends would do something like that? I was just speechless. 

My cousins and I planned to go to the beach the next day but we weren’t able to wake up early. Instead of going to Laiya, we ended up hanging out at Nuvali. We ate lunch and checked the stores, then, we went home since everyone is going back to Manila that night. I ended up having an all-nighter on a Sunday night because I needed to cram all the requirements for Monday. But, my lack of sleep did not hinder my celebration with my blockmates. We had a 3-hour break and I cut my last class because we ate at Friday’s.

My 21st was another unforgettable birthday. I didn’t plan any celebration but it was great. Yes, I’ve received material things but it’s not the reason why I enjoyed my day. The best gift I received was the time of my friends and family that was shared with me. 

I blame the additional espresso shot I added in my drink earlier for making me awake at this time. It’s 2:46 AM and I am writing these thoughts that have been bugging me for a while. Barney Stinson said that “nothing good happens after 2 A.M.” so I’m not really sure if writing at this time is the right thing to do.

I feel inferior and I don’t know why. Maybe it’s because of the accounting test that I didn’t get to finish or maybe because I am assuming that I will never be good enough for some people. I don’t know why but I’m starting to think of the what could have beens even though I know it’s wrong. I need to go back into shape, I wasn’t like this when the year started.

I’m sorry if I haven’t posted about what’s happening in my life lately. Academic demands are continuous and I always use my free time to meet and hang-out with my friends. Then, my weekends are spent with my teammates because it’s the UAAP Season.

Joana, Ian, and I were craving for korean food last time so we looked for a legit Korean Restaurant in the metro. We ended up going to Manna Garden because we found a lot of good reviews about their food. We had grilled pork, beef, and chapchae. The restaurant also served complimentary appetizers (tofu, kimchi, lettuce, etc.). Among all the chapchaes I’ve tasted, Manna’s is the best. 

Last weekend, the first round of the UAAP season ended. Our team, both men’s and women’s, swept the first round. The last game the women’s team had was against Ateneo. I played singles but I didn’t win. Yes, I’ve trained for some time already but it seems I haven’t felt my court presence yet. I guess I forgot the feeling of competing already. Even if I lost, I’m still proud that I did what I can do in that game. My coach even said that he was happy with the performance I had during the game.The second round will started earlier but it was postponed because of the rain. If you are free, come and support our team tomorrow at Rizal Memorial Tennis Courts. 

After our last game for the first round, some of my teammates and I went to MOA to watch Katy Perry. Actually, not watch, listen. My blockmates and I planned about it beforehand so my teammates joined us in Hooters. My teammates left early while my blockmates and I waited for the concert to end. I slept over at Marga’s house and went to training the next day. 

Last Wednesday, we had our annual Rookie Dinner. I don’t know when did the Rookie Dinner begin but it is a tradition of the DLSU Lawn Tennis Team. All of the rookies are obliged to treat the whole team in a buffet dinner. When I was a frosh, we had our dinner in Saisaki but for this year we had it in Vikings.

The first few weeks of the term is hectic because of different activities and academic demands. And I’m just starting to adjust with the student-athlete setting that I was once used to. It won’t be that easy but I know I can do it.